Switching Pediatricians

So, the thing is… it’s Fall; and you know what that means.

The leaves are turning color (in Austin, they all just turn brown), it’s time for fires in the fireplace and homemade soup.

And of course, cold and ‘flu season.

When Ana was born, I painstakingly researched our options for pediatricians and went with the practice that had the highest recommendation from parents I respected. I wasn’t entirely satisfied, as I worked my way through the roster of physicians, until I found my most favorite pediatrician of all, Elizabeth Reidy, MD. Then, she moved to Oregon and I went through some soul searching about whether to stay or to leave the practice, due to a reduction in hours and services and an increase in the bad attitude of the office staff.

And then Dr. Reidy moved back. Unfortunately, after some attempts to regain her position at her former practice, she decided to join a practice made up entirely of female pediatricians, in wonderful office space with a totally child-centered approach to everything. Unfortunate because it’s on the other end of town from where I live and the last time Jane fell and cracked her head open, I was so rattled, I drove into the side of my garage. (Of course, this was just as my husband was saying, “I think *I * should go get Ana, since you seem too upset to drive.” And I had just said, “I am FINE, thank you so much for your condescension.” Right.) At any rate, I stayed with the former medical practice until yesterday.

And yesterday was the last straw.

Last Friday, in the wee hours of the morning, Smiley Jane (2) started coughing and it sounded like a dog barking. As any mom can tell you, this is a strong indication that a child has croup. I took her in to see the doctor and he took an x-ray and affirmed that her little windpipe was dangerously narrowed and her breathing labored. He prescribed a steroid and she had to take a teaspoon-and-a-half of it at a time. Those of you without children are now thinking, “That’s not so much. What’s the big deal?” Well, the big deal is that it tastes like GASOLINE and a teaspoon and a half is almost a bottle of wine to a 24-pound two-year-old. AND, Jane can’t take oral medicine anyway. Every single time I’ve given her something with a syringe, she’s thrown up all over me –not just the medicine, but everything she’s eaten for the last 48 hours. The consequences of unchecked croup are so grim, though, so I decided to get tough and force it down Jane. I held her down, I squirted it in, she swallowed about 50% of it, stood up and threw up everything she'd eaten all day all over me and the rug in our den.

I don't think that's why they suggest giving that medicine on a full stomach.

We ended up taking her back to the doctor for a shot of the same steroid that afternoon. Trip to the Doctor, Take Two.

And then on Tuesday, Ana developed an ear infection. I picked her up from pre-school and she was just burning up with fever. We went straight to the doctor. While there, I asked him to check Jane’s lungs since she still sounded so terrible. He did and proclaimed her to be on the mend. Trip to the Doctor, Take Three.

The next day, Wednesday, while I was holding Jane, I noticed that her right ear was oozing this terrible substance. I had a sudden realization that in the three times we’d been to the doctor for this illness, no one had ever checked her ears. Well, I’m no physician but, having weathered ten ear infections or so until Jane had surgery to implant tubes, I know that the first thing you do is check ears. And I knew what we were looking at. I was simply…well… FURIOUS.

Back we went to the doctor (Number 4)and you know those nature shows that show the Mama Bear who appears just when the adorable bear cub has rolled over on his back to let the cameraman pet him? I was that Mama Bear.

You don’t want to see Mama coming through your door. Trust me.

So, I know you’re asking why this merits an entire column. The truth is, I had decided to send only uplifting columns until the end of the year –my own little ‘ode to the holidays.’ But I am so angry and I feel so strongly about this issue that I have to write about it. NEXT week, you can look for the column about how parenting is like climbing Mount Everest. Meanwhile, bear with me.

I am just so ANGRY. Here’s the thing: children cannot advocate for themselves. Jane couldn’t tell me that her ear was really hurting –I have to depend on the physician to tell me what’s wrong with her. And she’s a little individual, not some widgit he’s fixing at a rate of as many as he can in an hour. Last year, we had a pre-school teacher who just wasn’t that excited about teaching anymore and she never really “got” Ana. Ana is so quiet and well-behaved (in class) that I think this teacher never really SAW her. I didn’t really understand that until THIS year, when we have a very excited and enthusiastic and engaged teacher. Ana is flourishing in the most amazing way.

If we don’t advocate for our children, who exactly will stand up for them? It’s up to us. And I don’t know about you, but I need all of the people who interact routinely with my children to be on their sides! To remember what the priority is here and to not forget it even when the children can’t remind them. Sometimes that means helping to set boundaries and enforcing consistent discipline. But mostly it just means slowing down long enough to recognize that they are complex little people and they need respect and time and people who really LOOK at them. Now that I understand what I need in the people who interact with my children routinely, you won’t find me silently accepting mediocrity again. Today, I took Jane to see Dr. Reidy (fifth and final trip), who immediately diagnosed a big sinus infection and told me the antibiotics should also clear up that bad cough.

As I was leaving the doctor yesterday, I said, rather bitterly, “Well, see you tomorrow.” He laughed.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I was lying. We won’t be going back to him, even if the office moves right next door. We’ll be driving across town because Dr. Reidy is certainly ready for the Cooper girls.

And their mother.

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Barbara Cooper is the mother of Ana (4.5) and Smiley Jane (2). She lives in Austin, Texas and she has a whole new respect for Mama Bears.